My last post was a very healing one. In the post there are 2 statements made for the first time that I had never said out loud to anyone. The 2 statements had weighed me down and
I feel better having let them out of my mind.
The first was to admit that I tried to let people believe that things were not as bad as what they were. I knew I was not fooling those closest to me. My sister, Deb, told me she was worried that I was setting myself up by pretending things were going to be ok. A good friend at work saw through my charade also. For the most part, they both let me pretend to believe that all was well.
It wasn't that I truly believed that everything was right in my world, it was just easier to know that not everything was wrong.
The second was to admit out loud that my son is in prison. Until now I tried to sugarcoat it by saying things like the "corrections facility" or the "detainment center", because that just sounded better.
Not sure why because its the same place.
This whole experience has made me look deep inside of myself.
We were thrown into a world that we did not understand with people that I would never have associated myself with. I know, that makes me sound like a snob. I now understand that these people are just like me. Oh, I do still have some common sense and all of my teeth,
(what to do, what to do....that last sentence was kind of harsh, ummm...)
Well if this is me being honest with myself, yes, I do still have all of my teeth and also the common sense to act appropriately in various places (visitation room. etc.).
However, at some point I realized we are all the same.
One woman comes to mind as I say that. Even though she seems a little odd and not someone I would go out to a social function with, when she visits her loved one you can see the smile she has all the way up to her eyes. Yes, she is like me. It reminds me of a comment I heard some time ago,
The Cross is on level ground.
(dang, I think that was how it went, well you know what I mean).
The point of this post is that at one time I would have thought myself above the people I see every week. Sadly, this is the thinking of most people that do not understand the world I find myself in. I may still get worried when I pass a shady looking person on a dark street, its just that I now know that they may be thinking the exact same thing as they pass me.
Ha, that comment made me smile.
Net
Great post Janette. Two things come to mind in regards to your two statements. The more we keep things inside or try to cover them, the more power we give them. If you're trying to get rid of a headache, saying "I won't get a headache" leads to just that...a headache. Instead we say, "I feel great today" or something like it. What we manifest is before us. As for your son being in prison......congrats on the courage to say it out loud....it removes it's power over you. And try to remember as you reflect on your son, others like him in prison, and even yourself...."What we do doesn't define who we are." (Borrowed that one from Linda. :-) ) I'm loving your posts. Let it out. There is very little healing in silence.
ReplyDeleteNo wonder I like you so much, Janette!!!
ReplyDeletebtw...your sis has spoken many words of wisdom! She probably doesn't remember, but she helped me at one of the lower times in my life.