It's all fun and games until....

Tonight, I burned the pasta. No, I totally scorched it to the bottom of the pan. My husband, Dave, comes in the house and finds me spraying the air to hide the stench. "How did you manage that?" I very nonchalantly shrug my shoulders and try to remember if I closed out of my face book before finding burnt pasta in the kitchen.....
I did, but his cheesy grin told me he knew what I was doing.

Today a friend reminded me that I have had some funny stories through out the years. Maybe that was in the back of my mind when he gave me the cheesy grin, but it reminded me of one of those stories.

Picture this...2 kids in junior high, too old for a babysitter, too young to drive. After sleeping half the day away, the only thing left for them to do was eat. Those two began eating us out of house and home. It was at this time that, for reasons I still do not understand, Dave began to hide food. I don't know, maybe he didn't have enough to eat in a previous life or something. This did irritate me to no end when I needed something to make for my lunch or dinner and the item was no where to be found. This quickly became a source of friction in our house, he was hiding the food, I was looking for the food and 9 times out of 10 the kids were eating the food.

As it so happened, one night Dave could not find a large block of cheddar cheese that he hid in the freezer. (I still just shake my head at this part of the story).  In anger he calls the kids to the kitchen determined to find out who ate his block of cheese. As you can guess they both told him it was not them. If you know Dave then you know he is not going to let this go and he is determined to have the last word in this conversation. The kids walk away wondering why in the world their dad would think they snacked on a block of cheese.

With them out of the room, he only has me to sound off to. He was convinced that one of the kids dug to the back of the freezer and gnawed on this frozen cheese and all I can do is look at this raving fool (sorry Dave, but you were) and wonder what the heck brought this on. Soon, my mother hen feathers were ruffled and I was tired of hearing it, we ended up having a little tiff about it. I suggested that he monitor bathrooms because who ever ate that whole package of cheese would be blocked up for 2 weeks. Then he would know!!  He stomped off mad.

Well sure enough days later, the cheese in question was found in the back of the other freezer. I think he was going to apologize but decided not to once we made him the butt of all our jokes.

My daughter then coined our household phrase:

"It's all fun and games until someone looses a block of cheese."

We still laugh about that one and occasionally find instances to use that line. I have no idea why that memory came to mind when I burnt my pasta, but I love the story!

Net

My Whoa moment

I give Up!  I have wanted to put music to my blog for some time. I have researched it, I have downloaded a couple of programs, I have tried and tried and tried. All I have managed to do is confirm that I am a total computer illiterate. For now I can live with that because it is easier than being frustrated by the inability to get the result I want.  So for now, you will either have to remember the song I am going to refer to and
humm it in your head or just read a tuneless blog.

About a year and a half ago I had my first ever "Whoa" moment. Before I go any further I need to explain how I pronounced the word at the time I had this moment. The Wh was a slow and low breathy sounding wh and the Oa was and tad bit lower and longer. Go ahead, practice with me, Whhhoooa.

Ok, now that we have the sound established, here is my first Whoa moment.

I was driving in my car and thinking of how I could help my family to remain positive when I was not even sure that I had the energy to try to make the difference needed. I was so tired of trying to cheer up those around me while attempting to hide my own pain. Maybe it was just a feel sorry for myself day, the kind everyone needs now and then. Anyway, I had an older Carrie Underwood cd playing and it came to a song I was not particularly fond of. If I were not computer illiterate you would now be hearing the song

-Jesus take the wheel-  In case you are not familiar with the song, a girl is driving home and begins to slide on the ice (basically, in a nut shell). 

The chorus says -

Jesus take the wheel

Take it from my hands    Cuz I can't do this on my own

I'm letting go    So give me one more chance 

Save me from this road I'm on   

Jesus take the wheel 

And suddenly, the song was more than about a girl driving too fast on the ice, but rather a song about my life.

I distinctly remember being at a stop light and actually grasping the meaning of these words.

It made quite an impact.

So go ahead, say it with me......Whhhhoaaaa.

This post is strictly my interpretation of the words to the song. I know most people have ah ha moments,

it just happens that the word I said out loud was whoa.

Anyway, that was the beginning of a new prayer for me. Maybe it helped, maybe it didn't,

but I know I felt better after that moment.

Net

The healing powers of Keeley

My husband is a very quiet man and at times I may even try to provoke him just to see what kind of response I can get out. Sometimes it works, sometimes not so much. During our hard times these last 2 years, he closed up inside himself. We decided to give counseling a try and I made an appointment with a lady that came highly recommended. We went to 3 sessions which were held in her home. Her home was in a beautiful part of town but the stench of animal urine was so bad that I was afraid to sit.These appointments were approximately 90 minutes long. Of those ninety minutes 60 minutes were spent with us listening to her dog stories and other insignificant and boring things that happened to her. I say we only went to 3 sessions because after the 3rd one my husband got in the car and very loudly and not so nicely announces
 "We ARE Cured!"

 End of counseling.

In case you are wondering, yes, I was billed for three 90 minute appointments.  She did help us to identify what we were going through, which was grief for the life we thought we would have.

We could have saved lots of money in not going to counseling but at the time it was the option we had.

Until Keeley came in our lives. Keeley is a 3 year old female black lab/chow mix that is beautiful on both the inside and out.We have always had dogs in our lives but none like Keeley. She came to us after being rescued from an abusive home and it did not take long to realize she may have been more injured than we were.The first week was quick to prove it.

Day one, maybe even hour one, Keeley finds a spot in our wooden fence where she can shimmy out and run. And run she did. My husband calls me from his cell phone to tell me he is chasing Keeley and I should bring the car and help. He was 8 blocks away. I joined in the chase by vehicle. I got close several times but the moment I would jump out of the car, Keeley would bolt. I soon realized that this may have become a game in her mind. I got close a couple of times and she would look at me, smile and run in the other direction.. Yes, it was a smile. Not so much a game for my husband who was following by foot. We stayed in contact by cell phones and he was walking faster than I have seen him walk in recent years. Eventually she got to where I had to park and continue the chase by foot.  About an hour later she found herself trapped between a fence and 2 buildings . Was she trapped or just done with the game? We caught her when she was lying under a shade tree resting...and smiling.

We got home and my husband fixed the fence...or did he???

Day 2, Keeley is on the run again. This time my husband is on foot, I am in the car and I have called my sister to join in the game with her car. What did we ever do without cell phones? At each Keeley sighting we would turn on 2 wheels and head the other way. We did eventually catch her, or maybe she let us catch her. Imagine my surprise when I saw that the fixed fence actually had 2 large phone books against the loose board. hmmm. Next time I will have to inspect my husbands "fixed" project. 

The 3rd time in as many days that Keeley ran, we began the same pursuit, 1 by car and 1 by foot.  This turned out to be a 10 minute chase where she beat us home. I found her in the shop just sitting and waiting...and smiling. That was the last time she had run but she continues to smile all the time.

As I write this, I realize she was running towards something and once she knew we would not hurt her, she realized she was running to us.

Keeley has been a great addition to our family. When things seem ruff or one of us is feeling sad,

we can always count on Keeley to sit and smile.

Net

A humbling thought

My last post was a very healing one. In the post there are 2 statements made for the first time that I had never said out loud to anyone. The 2 statements had weighed me down and

I feel better having let them out of my mind.

The first was to admit that I tried to let people believe that things were not as bad as what they were. I knew I was not  fooling those closest to me. My sister, Deb, told me she was worried that I was setting myself up by pretending things were going to be ok. A good friend at work saw through my charade also. For the most part, they both let me pretend to believe that all was well.

It wasn't that I truly believed that everything was right in my world, it was just easier to know that not everything was wrong. 

The second was to admit out loud that my son is in prison. Until now I tried to sugarcoat it by saying things like the "corrections facility" or the "detainment center", because that just sounded better.

Not sure why because its the same place.

This whole experience has made me look deep inside of myself.

We were thrown into a world that we did not understand with people that I would never have associated myself with. I know, that makes me sound like a snob. I now understand that these people are just like me. Oh, I do still have some common sense and all of my teeth,

(what to do, what to do....that last sentence was kind of harsh, ummm...)  

Well if this is me being honest with myself, yes, I do still have all of my teeth and also the common sense to act appropriately in various places (visitation room. etc.).

However, at some point I realized we are all the same.

One woman comes to mind as I say that. Even though she seems a little odd and not someone I would go out to a social function with, when she visits her loved one you can see the smile she has all the way up to her eyes.  Yes, she is like me. It reminds me of a comment I heard some time ago,

The Cross is on level ground.

(dang, I think that was how it went, well you know what I mean). 

The point of this post is that at one time I would have thought myself above the people I see every week. Sadly, this is the thinking of most people that do not understand the world I find myself in. I may still get worried when I pass a shady looking person on a dark street, its just that I now know that they may be thinking the exact same thing as they pass me.

Ha, that comment made me smile.

Net

When Life gives you....

RAIN

 I would say that when life gives you rain go out and dance in it.

But sometimes if life gives you a flood, you have to play badminton.

This 4th of July proved this statement to be true.

The day was about to go down the tubes, but we made it work and had a great time too.

A couple of weeks ago my friend asked me "How do you do it? How do you keep going now that you know what you know and all you have to do?" Mind you, we were enjoying beverages and the campfire, I know the first question to be exact. I may be guessing on the 2nd, but the meaning is the same.

Without hesitation I told him, "This is the life I have, I do it because I choose to make it work".

(again, beverages, campfire)

I know the first sentence to my response is correct, the second sentence..well you get the meaning.

The fact is that my son is in prison. The fact is that I will always make sure there is someone to visit him every weekend. I will race home from work because if he is going to call it will be shortly after 5:00. I will ask the same questions every phone call and have the same discussions every visit. I do this because I choose to do it. My children are everything and I will always do what I need to do for them.

So when instead of the sunshine you get the rain...

Play badminton!

Net

Where I am now

So here I am now. 13 months from "the storm"  It has been quite a ride of ups and downs. But we have made it this far and I am proud of us all. Has it been tough? Hell yes. But I am choosing to see the up side. If a person can find laughter in between the tears then life still shows promise.

My word for the year was Strength. We had to find strength in ourselves to move forward, to deal with our grief, and to pick up the pieces of our lives. We did that. And along the way we found strength in our religion and strength as a family.

This year I have decided my word to work on is Acceptance. I will accept that although the road we are on is not the one we wanted, it is not necessarily the wrong road.....just a different one. I will accept a small portion of responsibility, but also know that I did my best as a parent.

I will also accept that when my writing becomes full of drama, a glass of wine is probably calling my name.  For now, I will sign out and accept the call of my evening wine glass.