And then the storm came

It was a painful time for our family. I completely understood the meaning of wanting to change places with one of your children in order to spare them pain. However, living through that pain made my family who we are today. The storm that came through our lives is the very storm in which I lost myself. I became numb with fear and panic and I cried until I felt I could no longer cry. I was content to let my daughter take care of me and willing to let my sister make decisions for me.

At some point I forced myself to push through the pain because I had a family to take care of, but it was still easier to remain outside the window looking in at myself.  I went through the motions of day to day living while pretending that things were not as bad as they seemed and that I was in control. I tended to the daily things that needed to be done while trying to make plans of what would have to be done. I made phone call after phone call while taking names and notes of all the information I felt I needed. If I did not get the answers I wanted, I made more phone calls and more notes. Did it help? It did, to the point of giving me things to think about other than the storm my family was trying to get through.

As a family we rallied together. I found strength that I did not know existed within me. My Pastor told me to always step forward and never step back. I have a long way to go on the road back to finding me, but I am confident that I will. I believe that because of my experience I will find a better me.

Complicated indeed......

More complicated than I thought....the first meaning of that statement had to do with my blog. I had, and still have no idea if this is working as I want it to work. I can barely figure out my MP3 player. I know I can down load music, pictures, videos and e books, yet the only thing I have mastered is turning on the radio. My MP3 player and my blog are as complicated to me as my life.

 I started out my married life thinking it was a breeze. Then of course you have babies who need diapers and bottles and it seems like things are as tough as they can get. You have to buy the things needed for that child and store them and be prepared for when you need them. When my daughter was a year old my husband and I got excited at the thought of "date night." We packed up the diaper bag with diapers and bottles, her blankie, everything for any possible situation that may arise. We got her in her car seat and drove to the next town so she could spend the night with grandma and grandpa. We were excited at the thought of a night out, adult conversation and a little piece of the world we used to have. Imagine my surprise when taking my precious daughter out of her car seat only to find a little bare butt under her beautiful pink dress. All she could do was look at me and smile like the precious angel we knew her to be. Ok, I am guessing it is a common mistake to forget to put a diaper on a baby, people forget everyday, right? We laughed and diapered her and then went on our way. My point is that no matter what situation is in front of you, you must learn to adapt. At some point in my life I think I forgot that little life lesson. Thanks to this blog I remembered that story. Maybe a few more memories will help me to find me again.

Now I can start

I think I am finally ready! I have looked things over to see how they work. I did a send posting....lost it somehow. But now I am ready. Thoughts are bursting from my mind and suddenly I am feeling a little shy.
Finding me again is a very personal blog to me. Somewhere over the last couple of years I have lost myself. My hope is to put thought to written word and perhaps in the process be able to stand proud and say I weathered a storm and re-found who I am.

This is not a blog to justify wrongs or cry over the results. It is just me wondering how I got to this point in my life and perhaps let humor reconnect me to myself.