The Time Has Come

The time has come,

for closing books and long last looks must end,

and as I leave,

I know that I am leaving my best friend.

A friend who taught me right from wrong,

and weak from strong, 

that's a lot to learn, 

What can I give you in return?

This leg of our journey has come to an end. My son is home, and I can now see the good that has come from it.  Recently, I heard the above song for the first time in many years. It was the theme song to an old movie favorite, "To Sir With Love".

As I try to end the documenting of this journey, I realize that the song speaks volumes in the fact that it has been like a close friend. I have many posts for all to see that tell my story and many more that were written for only my benefit. It has helped me to sort out feelings and figure out paths that need to be taken.

So what has all of this accomplished? My story started out with the name of  "Finding Me Again".   What have I learned over the years?

I learned that no matter how scary a situation is, if you see some humor in it, there is joy that can be found.
I often remember my then 10 year old niece going to visit her beloved cousin for the first time. We were nervous and on the way to the facility we gave her a lot of direction. As we pull up and see a few inmates playing basket ball outside, her comment was "They get recess!!!"  In her mind that made everything ok. In my mind, I realized I needed to laugh and appreciate the small moments that make big memories.

I learned that I was just like everyone else who found themselves in the same situation as I.  This allowed me to open myself to friendships that my previous snobbish self would have over looked.

I am more surprised than anyone that my journey turned into one of strong faith. It was what I needed to get through it. I knew that as a family we hit rock bottom. I discovered that the rock we hit was the Lord waiting to lift us up.

Looking through this entire blog I realize that the lessons learned were more numerous than I have been recently remembering. So, did I accomplish what I set out to do? Did I find me again?

The answer would be yes, probably, or perhaps that in the process I found a better me.

Thank you to all who stood by my side during this journey.

Net

Half Time

I greatly admire Dr. Curt Dodd, a paster in Omaha. I DVR his Sunday morning sermons and often refer back to them. I do not recall what sermon this quote came from, but found it important enough at the time to write it down. He said the following:

It's half time and you need to pick the team you want to be on. 

Will you pick the team that will always love and support you,
or the team that makes you believe they will always be there for you?

We all go through times where we find ourselves holding tight to the wrong team. They give us the false comfort that we think we are searching for.

But at some point in our lives we come to our own half time. If we are surrounded by a loving family and dear friends that share the same values as we have, the same ones that can love us through our ugly times,

the decision is easy.

Net

The Sky

Another song,

I recently copied the pictures on Amber's camera to my computer, as a way to not only have her camera backed up, but to also have copies

of our grandson's life to that point.

I saw some great pictures of a storm that they took one night

that started me thinking.

I realized that

as we have traveled through our "storm", we were not as alone as I thought.

There is a song by a Christian group The Afters that sing a song called Light Up The Sky.

The line that sticks with me is,

"You light up the sky to show me

you are with me"

 Sometimes the light ahead is beautiful.

Net

generations

When my daughter was little she always reminded me of my grandma Marie. Grandma was a happy person who was quick with a joke and loud with a laugh. As children, we always knew when grandma had a joke to tell because us youngsters were asked to leave the room. We knew we could return to the room when we heard the adults laugh. Grandma liked to tease, and she always had a gleam in her eye.  I saw this often in my daughter.

Now I see these same traits in my grandson. Even though he is not yet 2, he likes to be silly and make people laugh. You know he is going to tease and be ornery when he gets that little gleam in his eye. You have to be quick because he may do sometining unknowingly harmful.  He pretended to put a laundry pod in the washing machine, but then bit into it to tease his mother.  This ended up with a trip to the emergency room. I did not see this happen, but I know he definately had that little look in his eye.

It is amazing to me to see different traits passed on to the next generation. I can't wait to meet my grandaughter in August when she is born. I am sure she will be as amazing as her brother.

Net

Bent

Broken \bro-ken\ adj
reduced to fragments; fragmented
ruptured; torn; fractured

not functioning properly; out of working order

Bent \bend\ adj

                   changed by bending out of an

                     orig. straight or even condition

                    strongly inclinded:  determied

Words from another song I like:  We're not broken just bent

For a long time I felt that my family was broken. Nothing seemed right and it was hard to keep moving.  The first time I heard the song that has the above words in it, I smiled. I am guessing that means that we are healing, because I no longer use the word broken to describe us. Are we healed?

                            No, I guess we could be described as a little bent, but we sure are on the right track!

Net  

My silly life

Every now and then a line of a song will stick in my mind for whatever reason. There is a song by the artist Pink! that makes me smile every time I hear it.

Made a wrong turn once or twice

fought my way out blood and fire

indecision, that's alright

welcome to my silly life.

I went to the correctional center to become a sponsor for my son. Sponsorship orientation can be done every 2nd and 4th Monday of the month and once this training is done you are able to take any incarcerated person on outings and furloughs.

On the night I went to orientation, they gathered all of us into a room and we sat at tables of 4. We first had to fill out the paperwork so they could do back ground checks on all of us who are hoping to help our loved ones through this next phase of their lives. I patiently helped a young girl to fill out her address in the assigned area, while trying to ignore the 2 young men who could not remember every time they were arrested in the last 5 years. They must have succeeded because at one point one of the guys showed the other his paper, and the 2nd guy said "Oh yea, I forgot that one". 

The instructor then gave us all the rules and expectations that we were to know. Taking my duties very seriously, I wrote so many notes I had to write on a 2nd piece of paper.  When done with the class we were to stand in line so our paperwork could be inspected for obvious errors.

Oh No!!!!  I have written notes on the back of my form which is used to do my back ground check! This has to be a major violation, but now all I can do is admit to the error. Once at the front of the line I explain to the guard what I have done and offer to rewrite my form. He smiled and told me they would be able to use the one I had presented them with. WHEW!

As I go further with my story I must explain one more thing. For years I have been praying to God that I will know why I am in this situation and what he expects me to do with this experience.

As I begin the hurried walk back out to my car, eager to get home, I very clearly hear in my head

"This is what you will be doing".

Whoa was that you God?? 
Actually my first thought was "Are you kidding me????"
As I had prayed, I was sure I would get some sort of really cool job from God, you know something that would put me in the same category as Mother Teresa or at least had me raising a staff above my head to guide many people.

In the car I listened to a dvd of the rosary, which I will usually pray on the drive home. Half way through the rosary, I begin to laugh hysterically.  I just helped a young girl whose english was not that great, sat with men who must have a lengthy arrest record, may have possibly heard God speak to me, and responded with what may have been a polite no thank you......

oh yea, welcome to my silly life!

Net

Family Incarcerated

Recently I was describing to a gentleman my typical day, where I go to pick up my son for work and how our family shares the responsibility of getting him back to the correctional center.

 His comment was "He is a very lucky boy".

Yes, he is. I know of many men who have no family visits and no support system.  We know that we are his link to the outside world, and are working to make it our goal to get through this difficulty as a family.

Over the years I have searched the web on various book sites for books that would give me insight and direction for my situation. One particular day I found a title that interested me and I was going to go back and read the description a few minutes later.  I believe the title was "Family Incarcerated".  And of course, I was never able to find that title again to read about the book....

so I made up in my mind what I felt the book was about.

In my minds eye I see the book to be about a family with a member who is incarcerated. The family would pull together. They would, in some sort of way, find themselves also incarcerated due to the fact that they are now tied to collect phone calls, body searches and drug sniffing dogs to see the loved one. I see the struggles they face in coming to terms with the incarceration. In this book you would read how they learned to navigate through the system, and just as they got comfortable in knowing what had to be done, things would change. Slowly they would discover their way and the path would get easier.

I believe the book would describe how the hopes and dreams of their future would be changed to different hopes and dreams. The new path their lives would take would prove to not necessarily be a wrong path, just a different path.

I think there would be humor right beside the tears, and that in the end the family would come out to be better people than they were before the hardship.

The end.

Or maybe the book was about an entire family of wrong doers who all got busted. 

Hmm, I like my version better.

Net